with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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