You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
