singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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