I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
