I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
