So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
