i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
