you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
