My friends, they love my intelligence
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
