Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dicks are not precious.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
