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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

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• (510): View more from California

  You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping

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• (509): View more from Washington

  This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.

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