My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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