I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
