I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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