Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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