You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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