i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
