I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
