So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
