Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
