happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
