I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
