that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
