just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
