how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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