i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
