I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
