a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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