I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
