when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
