Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
