I like my sex mixed with concussions.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
