I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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