Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just threw up on my dentist
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
