Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
