I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
