Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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