I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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