I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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