I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
