Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
