the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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