dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm bleeding and have questions
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
