It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
