Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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