what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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