If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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