Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
