Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
