i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
