I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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