i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
